I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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