im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
