Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
