would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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