Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
