Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
