I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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