On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
