dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
