Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
