We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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