last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
