Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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