Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
