I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
