I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
