I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
