Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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