So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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