I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
