You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
