boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
