it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
