Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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