i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
