Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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