Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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