They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
