Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
