i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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