I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
