Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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