I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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