I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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