Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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