I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
