i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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