Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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