i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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