So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
