But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Boobs are out for the taking
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
