You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
