no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
