We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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