i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
