she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
