Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
