he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
