her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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