so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
