A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
